My Southern Ways...
I realized not too long ago that I've thrown away my old west-coast prejudices and embraced most of southern life. It must have happened right around the time Katrina blew in... something in surviving the aftermath of a major hurricane tends to bond one with their community if nothing else will.
One of the expressions I've picked up is an ugly one. It's been running through my mind quite a bit the past few weeks. It started as just a whisper but at times it rages like a big ole' bar. (bear for you yanks). You know, when you just reach that point where you feel like you might explode? Maybe someone really ticked you off. Or you were afraid. Or your boss did you wrong. Somebody cut you off in traffic. Whatever. You know the feeling I'm talking about. I noticed it one day when I was standing in line in the store. Hit me all of a sudden. That little whisper... "I'mfixintolosemyshit" ...I held myself until I got out in my truck, shed a few tears, then shook it off and made it until later. Then it whispered to me again... "I'mfixintolosemyshit". WOW. I'm not one to fall apart or get upset easily. And so far, I haven't lost it in front of Ms.STBB or anyone else for that matter. So as the weeks progressed, the feelings grew stronger and the words became more clear. "I'm fixin to lose my shit". Hmmm.... Maybe if I dissect it a bit it won't happen. Drink and ponder on it a little bit and it will go away. Yep, that worked. Twice though, It's been a full-blown "I'M.FIXIN.TO.LOSE.MY.SHIT" and I could feel the blood pressure start to rise a bit. But I've made it. Without losing it. And I'm pretty darn proud of that, and of you for being here to let me vent and rant and joke about it. I think the worst part is when people tell me that next week, "I'mreallyfixintolosemyshit". I'm a tough cookie. I can handle this. Tig said in yesterday's comments that I'm obsessing with the countdown, yeah, I do that. I love countdowns. Countdown to the next cruise. The next road trip. The next... uh, well heck! I have some great countdowns already lined up for the first half of 2006. (which I'll really enjoy if I can just get past the feeling of "i'mfixintolosemyshit"). There will be the countdown to two fabulous hold-em tourneys in January, and then the week after that will be the countdown until my birthday the first week of Feb., (I'll be 38!) and then while that's going on I'll have the countdown until we leave to see Ms.STBB at graduation when she crosses over into the Blue (we leave the day after my b-day! hooray!) And the countdown to the following weekend with a trip to the East and another tourney. Somewhere in there in January, there are also two countdowns to a couple of big gigs we have contracts for... and I'm trying to figure out if I'm going to go back and finish school next semester... there would be all sorts of countdowns to assignments and tests if I do.
WOW. I just realized what my problem is. (HAH. One of many...) The reason I'm feeling so much like "I'mfixintolosemyshit" is because things in my life have come to a complete standstill except for the clocking away on Ms.STBB! I've quit school and stayed home and taken a pass on all the poker tourneys in order to spend some extra time with the brat. Now that I've got all that straightened out, I guess I"m really notfixintolosemyshit. And the next few days won't be so bad.
I feel much better now.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas.
I'll see you on Wednesday!
One of the expressions I've picked up is an ugly one. It's been running through my mind quite a bit the past few weeks. It started as just a whisper but at times it rages like a big ole' bar. (bear for you yanks). You know, when you just reach that point where you feel like you might explode? Maybe someone really ticked you off. Or you were afraid. Or your boss did you wrong. Somebody cut you off in traffic. Whatever. You know the feeling I'm talking about. I noticed it one day when I was standing in line in the store. Hit me all of a sudden. That little whisper... "I'mfixintolosemyshit" ...I held myself until I got out in my truck, shed a few tears, then shook it off and made it until later. Then it whispered to me again... "I'mfixintolosemyshit". WOW. I'm not one to fall apart or get upset easily. And so far, I haven't lost it in front of Ms.STBB or anyone else for that matter. So as the weeks progressed, the feelings grew stronger and the words became more clear. "I'm fixin to lose my shit". Hmmm.... Maybe if I dissect it a bit it won't happen. Drink and ponder on it a little bit and it will go away. Yep, that worked. Twice though, It's been a full-blown "I'M.FIXIN.TO.LOSE.MY.SHIT" and I could feel the blood pressure start to rise a bit. But I've made it. Without losing it. And I'm pretty darn proud of that, and of you for being here to let me vent and rant and joke about it. I think the worst part is when people tell me that next week, "I'mreallyfixintolosemyshit". I'm a tough cookie. I can handle this. Tig said in yesterday's comments that I'm obsessing with the countdown, yeah, I do that. I love countdowns. Countdown to the next cruise. The next road trip. The next... uh, well heck! I have some great countdowns already lined up for the first half of 2006. (which I'll really enjoy if I can just get past the feeling of "i'mfixintolosemyshit"). There will be the countdown to two fabulous hold-em tourneys in January, and then the week after that will be the countdown until my birthday the first week of Feb., (I'll be 38!) and then while that's going on I'll have the countdown until we leave to see Ms.STBB at graduation when she crosses over into the Blue (we leave the day after my b-day! hooray!) And the countdown to the following weekend with a trip to the East and another tourney. Somewhere in there in January, there are also two countdowns to a couple of big gigs we have contracts for... and I'm trying to figure out if I'm going to go back and finish school next semester... there would be all sorts of countdowns to assignments and tests if I do.
WOW. I just realized what my problem is. (HAH. One of many...) The reason I'm feeling so much like "I'mfixintolosemyshit" is because things in my life have come to a complete standstill except for the clocking away on Ms.STBB! I've quit school and stayed home and taken a pass on all the poker tourneys in order to spend some extra time with the brat. Now that I've got all that straightened out, I guess I"m really notfixintolosemyshit. And the next few days won't be so bad.
I feel much better now.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas.
I'll see you on Wednesday!
posted by Kim at 8:10 AM
6 Comments:
She won't come home after boot camp Val, but will go straight to tech school!
Merry Christmas - enjoy the long weekend and your last few days, and try to focus on all the great things you have to look forward to! :) Hang in there!
Good for you gettingyourshittogether. Now would you help me as I melt down over having to give my grandson back to his mother?
You will be fine because you have to be. If not for yourself your family. I am here girl. She will do fine. It a part of growing up. Be strong.
WOW aorry I missed this one for the mall trip!!!! HEY YOUR BACK TO WORK BY NOW,,,,,,, How did it go? Did ya loose your shit? Well you just haang in there and now I know your over the top and starting to get yur self back together. It will be ok ,, We are all here. LOVE YA KIM,,, BREATH
Well Hon, I'm fixin to wish you a Merry Christmas!
I'm glad you're embracing the South, we have interestin ways.
No where else can we insult someone and make it sound like we love them. I'll send you a few of those to use on the sec.
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