Mommy Dearest...
Oh Jeez, I am the most horrible mother in the world. Awful. Totally crummy. I just did the most unforgivable thing!
...Part of the reason I haven't started my holiday shopping yet is because I'm just not sure what to do with Ms.SoonToBeBlue. I'm debating between a) giving her cash, 2) buying her a nice piece of jewelry, but she wouldn't be able to have it with her the first few months, or most practical, buying her 3 new outfits and the rest of the stuff she has to take w/ her to boot camp/basic training. I'm leaning towards the third choice, because she's been working out so much that she's lost 2 pants sizes and nothing fits her new skinny self from her closet. She can only take 3 outfits with her when she goes...
SO... sitting here at work watching the clock and I said what the heck, it is totally dead so I might as well do some online shopping and at least make a small dent in the dreaded task. I pikced one thing out for DH, one thing for DS, one thing for BabyGirlDD, and went to the checkout window. I whipped out my visa card and something just didn't seem right. I sat there and looked at what I was going to order, ticked each family member off my list, and started entering the numbers off my card when it hit me. I didn't even THINK to order anything for my firstborn, which hit me so hard it is really upsetting. I know I'm totally numb where she's concerned right now because it's the only way I can deal with it all but to forget her entirely has never happened since the day she was born. This sucks. I ended up deleting my order and getting totally mad at myself. I know life is about to change but not like this.
...Part of the reason I haven't started my holiday shopping yet is because I'm just not sure what to do with Ms.SoonToBeBlue. I'm debating between a) giving her cash, 2) buying her a nice piece of jewelry, but she wouldn't be able to have it with her the first few months, or most practical, buying her 3 new outfits and the rest of the stuff she has to take w/ her to boot camp/basic training. I'm leaning towards the third choice, because she's been working out so much that she's lost 2 pants sizes and nothing fits her new skinny self from her closet. She can only take 3 outfits with her when she goes...
SO... sitting here at work watching the clock and I said what the heck, it is totally dead so I might as well do some online shopping and at least make a small dent in the dreaded task. I pikced one thing out for DH, one thing for DS, one thing for BabyGirlDD, and went to the checkout window. I whipped out my visa card and something just didn't seem right. I sat there and looked at what I was going to order, ticked each family member off my list, and started entering the numbers off my card when it hit me. I didn't even THINK to order anything for my firstborn, which hit me so hard it is really upsetting. I know I'm totally numb where she's concerned right now because it's the only way I can deal with it all but to forget her entirely has never happened since the day she was born. This sucks. I ended up deleting my order and getting totally mad at myself. I know life is about to change but not like this.
posted by Kim at 1:54 PM
6 Comments:
HELLO can we say you are seeing life for what it is,,,,, what can you get her and what will she do wtih it. I think by you doing just what you did, this means you have become more OK with it then you think. And that just might be a good thing!
Don't worry dear, I'm not even having any issues at all with my kids and I still forget one of them now and again when buying/shopping/etc.!
It's called "Maturing brain" :)
Kim I am in the same predicament at you are about what to buy me son for Xmas. I wrote him and told asked what he needs and can take up there. Still waiting for the return letter back. My husband said just give him money. It just seems so impersonable. I guess a calling card or two..since he has been calling here collect. That would be good for a stocking stuffer but I really dont know what else. I let you know when he lets me know.
LINDA
Hugs hon.. you're not a bad mom.
Kim, hello!
I just want to say that you seem to be an incredibly good mom, from where I stand (well, sit, here at my computer).
I never knew about things (like the three outfits), and find it very interesting. I think that's what I would have wanted, particularily at that age.
Your kids sound like great kids.
And like all great mom's, you are very hard on yourself (it seems to go with the territory)..
You didn't forget her...you just didn't see something that struck you as something that was right for her at that particular shopping time. You were making a dent in your shopping...taking care of some of your family...then when later you'd take care of the rest.
My heart is with you right now. You are not a bad mama.
Post a Comment
<< Home